This Father’s Day, join our campaign
In honor of Father’s Day 2024, Sahiyo’s male engagement program, Bhaiyo is launching a public awareness campaign to uplift the importance of male voices and allies in ending female genital cutting or FGC. Recognizing that FGM/C is a community health issue – not just a woman’s issue – the movement to end FGC needs additional male voices and allies to bring this issue to the forefront. This June, we’ll be holding a month-long campaign asking community members to share how they have raised the topic of FGC in conversation with the men in their lives – their brothers, fathers, husbands, friends, and more. To participate in the campaign: Send us a video, quote, write-up, or photo about your experience engaging with men on the topic of FGC Alternatively, you can send us a video, quote, write-up, or photo that uplifts how men can engage, educate, and build awareness about ending FGC Submit your items to info@sahiyo.org by June 16th, 2024. The materials will be gathered together and shared on Sahiyo’s social media platforms throughout the month of June. Below are some questions you can consider asking someone in your life while trying to initiate a conversation about FGC: When did you first come to know about FGC? What is the role men can play in educating communities about FGC? How can brothers/fathers make an impact in these conversations about ending FGC? What message would you like to give to all the fathers and brothers out there about ending FGC? You can ask for your experience to be shared anonymously, if you prefer. For comments and inquiries about the campaign, please reach out to Samman Masud at samman@sahiyo.org. PS: Sahiyo will soon be launching a survey around male engagement on FGC during our June Father’s Day campaign. We’ll be sharing more information in the future about how to participate! Related links: How I took part in the Each One, Reach Bhaiyo Campaign: My experience with different Bhaiyos
Everyone’s Responsibility: Discussing the Role Male Allies Play In Preventing Female Genital Cutting
By Cate Cox Sahiyo held the a February webinar, Everyone’s Responsibility: Discussing the Role Male Allies Play In Preventing Female Genital Cutting (FGC). This webinar provided the opportunity to hear from four speakers Jeremiah Kipainoi, Khadijah Abdullah, Tony Mwebia, and Hatim Amiji moderated by Murtaza Kapasi about the role men play in ending FGC. From direct action to research to personal conversations, this webinar explored the many ways in which men can involve themselves and women can work to involve men in empowering communities to abandon FGC. Mariya Taher, Sahiyo co-founder and the U.S. Executive Director, gave the audience an introduction to Sahiyo’s many programs. Next, Kapasi, founder of Bhaiyo, took us through his work and the motivation for starting Bhaiyo. Bhaiyo is Sahiyo’s groundbreaking new male ally program that seeks to encourage men to become involved in conversations about FGC. After a short introduction to our panelist’s work, and a screening of Amiji’s Voices to End FGM/C Film Listen, the Q&A portion of the event was initiated. Panelists answered questions about their work, the important role men play in ending FGC, and some challenges they have faced along the way. Our panelists explored how many men are often unaware of the multi-layered impacts of FGC on women and communities, and how FGC is often tied to patriarchal violence. “It’s important that more men kind of speak up about this, and join us, because they can be an ally to prevent this happening to women and girls,” panelist Abdullah said. At the end of the webinar, the audience had the opportunity to ask the panelists questions about their experience and knowledge. Questions included asking how the panelists’ experiences as brothers and sons of women who have undergone FGC, and how male partners can play a role in helping their wives and girlfriends have safe and pleasurable sex. Once audience member astutely asked about the connection between gender-based violence and FGC. “The deadline to end FGM/C is 2030, but there is no deadline to end patriarchy,” Mwebia said. While we do need to work to fight FGC, it is also important to understand how it is connected to the larger system of violence against women and girls. Everyone’s Responsibility: Discussing the Role Male Allies Play In Preventing Female Genital Cutting (FGC) explored the roles that men play in empowering communities to abandon FGC and how people can all work to empower men to have these conversations. It was a reminder that ending FGC is everyone’s responsibility. Watch the recording of this event. Read the transcript.
#MenToEndFGC: Sahiyo’s Male Ally Campaign Launches
The issue of female genital cutting (FGC) is usually told from a woman’s perspective – for obvious reasons. Women around the world have spoken up against this practice that has gone on far too long, and we commend those who have made their voices heard. At Sahiyo, we know that while a lot of progress has been made, there is still a lot to be done to ensure that girls and women no longer undergo FGC. We know that more voices need to be heard, and that’s why we launched our male ally campaign. Last month (July 2019), we issued a call-to-action for men to speak out against FGC. We know a lot of misinformation exists about FGC, and that men may not be aware of what goes on, or they may be misinformed about what FGC does to a child or a woman. We asked men to submit short videos, audio files, quotations, or blogs that share one thing in common: taking a stand against the practice of FGC and denouncing it. The response we received was amazing. Dozens of men across the globe from Ghana and Kenya to multiple regions of India and the US stepped up to answer our call. Many shared their personal experiences with FGC, involving their wives, daughters, sisters, or friends being cut. Others described why FGC needs to end and how harmful it is. Each one made their thoughts known and told us and everyone why the practice of FGC needs to end for girls and women worldwide. This took place in several formats, such as quotes, audio entries and videos (see examples below). In addition, we took this campaign to highlight the thoughtful blog pieces written by our male allies over the past few years, such as this powerful letter from a father. [youtube url=”https://youtu.be/pn6KOMKirRg”] To watch more video entries of this campaign, check out this Youtube playlist. We greatly appreciate all of you who took the time to send in a blog post, video, quotation, or audio file. We will be posting these submissions throughout August and September on our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn pages. If you missed the deadline for submissions or would like to add more of your thoughts, we will be using the hashtags #MenToEndFGC, #SahiyoMaleAllies, and #MenEndFGM in our posts. If you use these hashtags or tag @sahiyovoices in a post, we may repost it! We know that we must stand together and unite to end FGC. These men stepping up and speaking out against FGC is a step in the right direction, and we hope it inspires more men to use their voices to help end FGC for all girls and women.
Why men too must speak out against Khatna
By Priya Ahluwalia Priya is a 22-year-old clinical psychology student at Tata Institute of Social Sciences – Mumbai. She is passionate about mental health, photography and writing. She is currently conducting a research on the individual experience of Khatna and its effects. Read her other articles in this series – Khatna Research in Mumbai. Khatna, by virtue of being related to female anatomy, is often categorized as a women’s issue. However, one must also remember that it is a practice performed on uninformed and unconsenting children. We must move beyond defining it as a child or a woman being violated and look at it as a human being who is being wronged, and therefore the most comprehensive way to describe it would be a human rights violation. Despite it being a human rights issue, it appears as if not many people are willing to speak up against it, even though all people, especially men, need to do so. Within the structure of the Indian patriarchy, men enjoy power not only by virtue of their gender but also by their sheer number in our country. Therefore men can use their position of power to effectively tilt the weights in favor of women who are speaking against Khatna. Although, ideally we expect all men to support us in the endeavour to end Khatna, we should also attempt to understand their hesitancy. Within the Indian patriarchal family structure, the woman is seen as the mistress of the house, in charge of children, while men are seen as masters for all things outside the domain of the house. Therefore any attempt by men to venture into the discussion concerning women’s bodies is seen as ill-mannered and a gross violation of clearly demarcated gender roles. During my research, I met a father who became aware of Khatna and its consequences because he had daughters and therefore vehemently opposed it. He narrated the daily struggle of convincing his own mother against this practice. However, like many other men before and many after him, he was unsuccessful in dissuading the women in his family from continuing it on his daughter. He was blindsided by his mother and given the blanket argument that she knows better for a woman by virtue of herself being a woman. Yet research has shown that with increasing education on khatna, more men are willing to campaign against it. Still, the onus of initiating a conversation on khatna among others lies with the women. Communication between men and women, especially husband and wife, is crucial for the discontinuation of Khatna. A woman I interviewed who had undergone Khatna took this initiative and began a conversation with her husband, which gave her immense strength and helped her protect their daughter from falling into the clutches of tradition. Research too corroborates the same: if more men are are part of the decision making process, the less the likelihood that Khatna would be performed on the girl. The research linked above shows that men who wish to speak up are held back by their limited knowledge on the effects of Khatna.They are unaware of what is removed and what its ramifications are. The primary reason for this ignorance is the lack of conversations about women and their health among family members. This hesitancy to talk about women in front of men comes from the idea that women are equivalent to the family’s honour, therefore talking about aspects of their sexuality may be seen as a violation, thereby a disgrace, to the family’s honour. However, we must move beyond the archaic concept and understand that creating awareness about the ill effects that Khatna has on a woman’s body in no way defiles a family’s honour. After all, what honour can reside in pain? Conversations about Khatna must begin, questions must be asked and collaborative measures between men women must be taken to put an end to this practice. There are several ways to oppose this practice. You may choose to speak out or you may to choose to silently protest; however, if active measures are not taken to resist it, then there is passive consent for the continuation of khatna, and we must understand that every time such consent is given, it means another child is being harmed. Therefore, let us come together for the children and do whatever we can, wherever we can. To participate in Priya’s research, contact her on priya.tiss.2018@gmail.com
બોહરાઓ વચ્ચે આધુનિક્તાની ખોટી માન્યતા
આ આર્ટિકલ પહેલા સહિયો દ્વારા તારીખ 11 મે 2017ના રોજ અંગ્રેજીમાં પ્રકાશિતકરવામાં આવ્યો હતો. Read the English version here. લેખક: અનામી ઉંમર : 33જન્મનો દેશ : ભારતવર્તમાન નિવાસસ્થાન : અમેરિકા હું દાઉદિ બોહરા કુટુંબમાં જન્મેલો મરદ છું. યુનાઈટેડ સ્ટેટ્સમાં મારો અને મારા ભાઈનો ઉછેર એકદમ સામાન્ય રીતે થયો છે. અમે અમેરિકાના એક ખૂબ જ ધર્મનિરપેક્ષ મંડળના સભ્યો હતા. મારા માતા-પિતા હંમેશા મને કહેતા કે અમે કેવી રીતે અન્ય મુસ્લિમો કરતા અલગ હતા. અમારો સમાજ અમારા દીકરાઓ અને દીકરીઓના શિક્ષણ ને મહત્વ આપતા. આપણા સમાજમાં ઘણા બૈરાઓ વ્યાપાર કરે છે, ડૉક્ટરો છે અને પોતે ઘરખર્ચ ઉપાડે છે. અમે વહાબી તો નથી જ. મને સ્પષ્ટ રીતે યાદ છે કે મારા “મિસાક” લેવાના સમયે, હું મારા માતા-પિતા સાથે “20/20” ન્યૂઝ પ્રોગ્રામનો એક એપિસોડ જોતો હતો. તેનો એક ભાગ સોમાલિયાના ફીમેલ જેનિટલ મ્યુટિલેશન વિષે હતો. અમે તે પૂરો ભાગ જોયો અને રૂમમાં શાંતિ પ્રસરી ગઈ… જ્યારે તમે માતા-પિતા સાથે ફિલ્મ જોતા હો અને પ્રેમનું દ્રશ્ય આવે ત્યારે જેવી મૂંઝવણ અનુભવો તેવી મૂંઝવણ થવા લાગી. મારા માતા-પિતા શા માટે શરમ મેહસુસ કરતા હતા તે મને સમજાયું નહિં પરંતુ, થોડા દિવસો પછી બધા તે બાબતને ભૂલી ગયા. દશ વર્ષ પછી, હુંએક દાઉદિ બોહરા બૈરી સાથે લાગણી સભર સંબંધ ધરાવતો હતો (જે અત્યારે મારી પત્ની છે). પહેલી વાર જ્યારે અમે સંભોગ કરતા હતા ત્યારે તેણી ખૂબ જ રડવા લાગી. તેણી સાથે શું કરવામાં આવ્યું હતુ તે વિષે મને વાત કરી. જ્યારે તેણીએ કૉલેજમાં આ બાબત વિષે સાંભળ્યું ત્યાં સુધી તેણીને પોતાને ખબર નહોતી કે તેની સાથે શું કરવામાં આવ્યું છે. જ્યારે તે પ્રક્રિયા તેણી પર કરવામાં આવી ત્યારે તેણીએ પગના અંગૂઠા સુધી પીડા આપતો વીજળીનો જટકો મહેસુસ કર્યો પરંતુ, હું એ પ્રથમ વ્યક્તિ હતો જેણે એ તરંગનીઅસરમેહસુસ કરી હતી. તેણી ડરી ગઈ હતી અને કંઈક ગુમાવ્યાની લાગણી અનુભવતી હતી.તેણીની ખૂબ ઈચ્છા હતી કે મારી સાથે સંભોગ માણી સંબંધોને ગાઢ બનાવે પરંતુ, તેવું ક્યારે થઈ શક્યું નહિં. એક સંપૂર્ણ બૈરી તરીકેની તેણીની ક્ષમતા સાથે એ સુખ, યુવાવસ્થામાં જ તેણીની મરજી વિના છીનવી લેવામાં આવ્યું હતુ. અમે સાથે મળી તેનો સામનો કર્યો. મેં તેણીનું કાઉન્સેલિંગ કરાવ્યું અને તેણીને ફરી ખાતરી આપી કે આપણો પ્રેમ વધુ મજબૂત થશે પરંતુ, તેણી અને હું બન્ને જાણતા હતા કે એ ક્ષણે તેણીએ જે ગુમાવ્યું છે તે ક્યારેય કોઈપણ વ્યક્તિ પાછું આપી શકશે નહિં. અંતે, “20/20”ની એ ક્ષણ મને સમજમાં આવી. બે દિકરાઓ ધરાવતા મારા માતા-પિતાએ ક્યારેય તેમના બાળકોમાં શારીરિક બદલાવ કરવા જેવો પીડાદાયક નિર્ણય કરવો પડ્યો નહોતો પરંતુ, સ્પષ્ટ રીતે કહું તો જો અમે બન્ને ભાઈઓ માંથી કોઈ એક દિકરી હોત તો આ પ્રક્રિયાને અનુસરવા માટે જબરદસ્ત દબાણ કરવામાં આવ્યું હોત. સમાજ તેની ખોટી વાતો ફેલાવે છે કે એ “તમારા સુખી લગ્ન જીવન માટે છે”, “તમે સારી પત્ની બની શકો તે માટે છે.” પાછળથી મારા માતા-પિતા પાસેથી મને જાણવા મળ્યું કે મારા કુટુંબની બધી દિકરીઓ પર આ પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવી છે. હું આ વાત માની શક્યો નહિં. જ્યારે તમારા 50% બાળકો મધ્યયુગની પ્રથાનો ભોગ બની રહ્યાં છે તો શા માટે તમે આધુનિક્તાનો મુખોટો પહેરીને ફરો છો? જો તમારી સંપૂર્ણ આધ્યાત્મિક બનવાની પૂર્વ શરત તેમના માટે શારીરિક કમી હોય તો બૈરાઓની સ્વતંત્રા સાથે છેડછાડ કરવાનું બંધ કરો. મારી સુંદર પત્નીએ મને ઘણુ બધું શીખવ્યું છે. તેણીએ મને માફ કરવાનું અને શક્તિ આપવાનું શીખવ્યું છે. જો હું મારી પત્નીની જગ્યાએ હોત તો ચોક્કસ મેં તેનો વિરોધ કર્યો હોત.સમય આવી ગયો છે કે બધા દાઉદિ બોહરા સાથે મળીને આ મુદ્દાનો ઉકેલ લાવે.આ પ્રક્રિયા આસ્થા પર એક કલંક છે.ઈસ્લામમાં તેનું કોઈ સ્થાન નથી, તે આપણા બૈરાઓને ભરપાઈ ના થઈ શકે તેવી હાનિ પહોંચાડે છે અને આ પ્રક્રિયા, આપણે આધુનિક અને નમ્ર મુસ્લિમો હોવાનો દાવો કરીએ છીએ તેનાથી વિપરીત છે. આ મુદ્દાને અંધકાર માંથી પ્રકાશમાં લઈ આવવાનો સમય આવી ગયો છે.
My fight with a male cousin who thinks Khatna is good
By: Shabana Feroze Every year, Feb 6 is International Day of Zero Tolerance for Female Genital Mutilation by the United Nations. Being a survivor of FGC myself, I’m an active volunteer with Sahiyo, and as such, I shared a post about the day and about Sahiyo on my Facebook profile page. I got a few likes but after a few hours, one of my male cousins commented on the post with a link to femalecircumcision.org. The article on that website spoke about how FGC is necessary and a good thing. When I saw that comment, I was naturally affronted. The first thought that ran through my head towards my male cousin was – no vagina, no opinion, sweetheart. It bothers me so much that MEN think they can make decisions on what needs to be done to women’s bodies. You are not a woman. You are not entitled to tell women what we can or cannot do with our bodies. I underwent FGC when I was seven. I’m the one who was traumatized. Not you. I’m the one who has to deal with the pain that part of my body is missing because of a traditional ritual, not you. How dare you tell me that what happened to me was necessary and a good thing and that it should continue happening. I had a long argument with him through Facebook comments, telling him the thoughts I listed above. I even said that if he thinks the practice is good and necessary, then the girl should be able to grow up and decide to do it for herself. His response, “My Body, My Rights is a cheesy line”. His lack of acknowledging my personal experience in having undergone FGC said to me that he believed the larger society could do anything to my body or to any one else’s body. He then posted another link from the same website on consent and parental rights. The article claims “Although regulated, a parent’s right to make decisions on behalf of a child is acknowledged as fundamental and universal, even for practices which can cause harm to the child and carry no medical benefit.” Yes, the article acknowledged that FGC is harmful, but the article lessened the pain, and compared FGC to practices such as ear piercing and vaccinations. These procedures are legal and harmless. The article also claimed that Prophet Muhammad said FGC should be done, and gave a few spiritual and religious reasons like ‘taharah’ for doing so. His recurring point was that KHAFZ IS NOT FGM (written in caps). Throughout the conversation of me refuting his points with science and hard fact and telling him that the World Health Organisation recognizes all forms of cutting of the female genitalia as FGM, I found that his counter points were always mired in spirituality and religion (this cousin of mine is a mulla or a sheik in the Bohra community). I find the entire notion that ‘khafz is not FGC’ as preposterous. It’s the same thing, no matter what name you give it. Medical research has shown that FGC is harmful. FGC is opposed by the United Nations and the World Health Organization. So please don’t tell me that FGC is a good thing. Further what really, truly angers me is that my cousin, this MAN is fighting me on and issue that affects the woman’s body, my body! My cousin’s attitude reminded me of his male privilege, and his inability to understand that he has no ability to control my body or to think he knows what is best for me as a woman. And this reality scares and saddens me the most because my cousin is also the father of two girls, who if they undergo FGC, will forever be reminded that they too, just like me, had no control over our own bodies.
ખત્ના: એક માતાની વ્યથા અને એક પુત્રની દુષ્કર્મનો બદલો લેવા માટેની શોધ
લેખક : અનામી વય ૩૧ વર્ષ દેશ : અમેરિકા મારી માતા ખુદાના બંદા અને દ્રઢ ધાર્મિક માન્યતા વાળા છે. દાઉદી બોહરા સમુદાયના જન્મજાત ધર્મગુરુને માનવાવાળો, તેમણે કદી પણ તેનો હિસ્સો બની રહેવાથી ક્યારેય આનાકાની નથી કર્યાં. ઝળહળતા, રંગબેરંગી હિજરી કૅલેન્ડર આધારિત દરેક પ્રસંગોમાં તેઓ અચૂક હાજરી આપે છે. દાયકાઓથી, આ હિજરી કૅલેન્ડરે, દરગુજર કરી નહીં શકાય એવા અંધકારને સંતાડવાના અને કોમની ઝાકઝમાળ જાહોજલાલીનો દેખાવ કર્યે રાખ્યો છે. અમુક સમયથી હું કોમથી દૂર રહ્યો છું. અમારા કોમના અમુક હડહડતા જુથાણાઓ, ખાસ કરીને હિજરી કૅલેન્ડરમાં વાસ્તવિક સંબંધ ન હોય તેની વિરુદ્ધ મેં ઘણી વાર અવાજ ઉઠાવ્યો છે. લયલતુલ કદ્ર, રમઝાનની સૌથી મુબારક (પવિત્ર) રાત હવે હિજરી કૅલેન્ડર પર નાનકડું ટપકું બની ગઈ છે અને હિઝ હોલિનેસ, સૈયદના મુફઝ્ઝલ સૈફુદ્દીનનના જન્મદિન વડે ઢંકાઈ ગઈ છે, જે એ જ દિવસે આવે છે. મારી માતા મારી ટીકાઓને હળવાશથી નથી લેતાં અને હંમેશાં મને ખુલ્લું મન રાખવા જણાવે છે, એક મિનિટ માટે કોમમાં બનતી ઘટનાને ભૂલી જવા અને કોમની રુહાનિયત તથા બંદગીની તાકાત પર ધ્યાન કેન્દ્રિત કરવાનો મને અનુરોધ કરે છે. તેઓ હંમેશાં એક દુષ્કૃત્યની સામે પવિત્ર બની રહ્યાં છે અને કોમની વ્યાકુળતા સર્જનારી અનેક સચ્ચાઈઓની તેઓ ઉપેક્ષા કરે છે. પરંતુ બે મહિના અગાઉ, તેમણે ખત્નાની પ્રથા સામે પોતાનો આક્રોશ અને વિરોધ વ્યક્ત કર્યો ત્યારે હું ચોંકી ઊઠ્યો. આ વિનાશકારી અને જંગલી પ્રથા પર ‘સહિયો’એ વ્યાપક પ્રકાશ પાડ્યો છે. છોકરીઓ ધરાવતા તમામ પરિવારમાં અને ખત્નાને ખૂબ જ ગુપ્ત રાખતી કોમમાં હું ઊછર્યો હોવાથી, કેવળ ‘સહિયો’ મારફતે અને આ પ્રથાના લાંછનની અને તેમના જીવનમાં સર્જેલા દુખ:ની ચર્ચા કરવાની હિંમત દાખવનારી અનેક મહિલાઓએ લખેલા લેખો દ્વારા મને આ પ્રથા વિશે જાણવા મળ્યું હતું. પરંતુ મારી માતાએ પોતાના અનુભવો વિશે મને વાત કરી ત્યારે હું સખ્ત આઘાત પામ્યો. આ ખૂબ જ ધર્મનિષ્ઠ મહિલા, જેઓ પોતાનું સમગ્ર જીવન બોહરા કોમ માટે હિમાયતી બની રહ્યાં અને ચોક્કસ પ્રથાઓ પ્રત્યે દુર્લક્ષ સેવવા પોતાનાં સંતાનોને ઉત્તેજન આપતાં રહ્યાં હતાં, આ ખત્ના પ્રથાની ઉપેક્ષા કરવા માટે ક્યારેય તૈયાર નહોતાં. તેમણે તેમના ભાઈને અને મને એમ જણાવ્યું હતું કે જો તેમને દીકરી હોત તો, કદી પણ તેમની સાથે આવું થવા નહીં દેતે. સાત વર્ષની કુમળી વયે પોતાના અનુભવની પીડાજનક વિગત અમણે જણાવી, જ્યારે તેમને ભારતમાં એક પાડોશીના ઘરમાં અંધારાં ભોંયતળિયામાં લઈ જવાયાં હતાં. ત્યાર પછીથી તેમણે વેઠેલી વેદના, આક્રોશ અને લૈંગિક હતાશા તેમની અશ્રુભીની આંખોમાંથી સરી પડ્યા અને હું પણ મારી પોતાની આંખોમાં પણ અશ્રુને રોકી નહીં શક્યો. અન્ય મહિલાઓની આપવીતીઓ વાંચીને મેં અનુભવેલો આક્રોશ પરાકાષ્ઠાએ પહોંચ્યો જ્યારે મને એવી પ્રતીતિ થઈ કે મને આ દુનિયામાં લાવનારી મહિલાને કેટલી વેદના થઈ હશે. એ મહિલા જેને મારા સમગ્ર જીવનમાં હું પ્રેમ કરતો આવ્યો છું, તેણે આ કોમને માફ કરી અને તેનો હિસ્સો બની રહેવા માટે મને ઉત્તેજન આપ્યું, કારણકે તેમની પેઢી માટે કોમ જ સર્વસ્વ છે અને જમાત ખારીજ (નાત બહાર) બનવાનો વિચાર – પરિવાર અને મિત્રોથી અલગ થવાનો ડર – તમારી વેદના, હતાશા અને આક્રોશને ગળી જવાની અને પૂર્વસ્થિતિ (સ્ટેટ્સક્વો)ને સ્વીકારવાની તમને ફરજ પાડે છે. પણ હવે એ બધું વધુ સહન નહીં થાય. ખત્ના ફરતેની કદરૂપી ડાયન તેમજ બોહરા સમુદાયના અન્ય તમામ અન્યાયોનો સામનો કરવા માટેના હવે શક્તિશાળી વિકલ્પો ઉભા થયા છે. ત્રીસ વર્ષમાં પ્રથમ વખત કહેવાતા ધર્મગુરુઓ અને તેમના મળતિયાઓ ખૂબ ગભરાયા છે. ગુપ્તાંગ વિચ્છેદન (ખત્ના)ને મદદરૂપ થવા અને ઉત્તેજન આપવા બદલ, તેઓ અનિવાર્યપણે કાનૂની પ્રત્યાઘાતોનો સામનો કરશે એટલો જ ભય નથી, પરંતુ સાચો ડર મબલક નાણાકીય લાભો ગુમાવવાનો છે. રોકડ રકમથી ભરેલાં પરબીડિયાં, ઝિયાફતોમાં મળતા લાખો રૂપિયા/ડોલર, મકાનો, કારો અને પરંપરાગત હજારો નાના વહોરા ધંધાઓ જે એક જમાનામાં ઈજારાશાહી ધરાવતા હતા તેની પરનું સામાજીક અને નાણાકીય બન્ને નિયંત્રણ ગુમાવવા લાગ્યા છે. આવા વધુ અન્યાયો પ્રત્યે આંગળી ચિંધાશે ત્યારે જ વધુ વહોરાઓ જે દેખીતી રીતે હજારોની સંખ્યામાં છે, તેઓ રૂહાની (આધ્યાત્મિક) જ્ઞાન મેળવવા માટે અન્યત્ર જશે. આવી નાણાકીય ખોટ સાથે તેઓ કદી વૈભવશાળી જીવનશૈલીને ટકાવી નહીં શકે જેમાં તેઓ ઊછર્યા છે અને દોમ દોમ સાહયબી ભોગવી છે. પરંતુ ખાલી શબ્દો કરતા વાસ્તવિક કૃત્ય હંમેશા વધુ મોટા અવાજે પોકારે છે. પ્રથમ પગલું, જે આવશ્યક છે, તે પગલું આ પ્રથા વડે અસર પામેલી તમારા જીવનમાંની વિશેષ મહિલાને શોધવાનું છે, એ મહિલાની સાથે બેસો, તેની સાથે વાત કરો અને તેણે કેવી યાતના અનુભવી છે તેને સમજો. આવો પ્રચંડ ક્રોધ તમારામાં પણ પેદા થશે જે મેં અનુભવ્યો છે. અત્યારે પ્રચંડ ક્રોધ વ્યક્ત કરવાની જ આપણા માટે આવશ્યકતા રહે છે. આપણી પેઢીમાં એવા લોકોની આપણને જરૂર છે જેઓ રોષે ભરાય. આ કોમનો ત્યાં સુધી બહિષ્કાર કરે જ્યાં સુધી તે લોકોની રુહાની જરૂરિયાતોની સેવા બજાવવા તેને સોંપાયેલી કામગીરીને પૂર્ણ કરવા માટે પાછી નહીં કરે. મઝહબી કોમ આવું કરી શકે અને આવી હોવી જોઈએ. ખત્નાના પોતાના અનુભવ વિશે મારી માતાએ મને જે રાતે જણાવ્યું ત્યારે તેમની આંખોમાં જોયેલી વેદનાને હું કદી નહીં ભૂલીશ. હું તેની સાથે આગળ વધીશ અને આ પ્રથાનો અંત આવે એવું સુનિશ્ર્ચિત્ત કરવા માટે લડતો રહીશ, આપણે તમામેં પોતાના પક્ષે આવતી ભૂમિકા ભજવીએ તો આ પ્રથા કોમની અન્ય અનૈતિક પ્રથાઓની સાથે બંધ થશે. દિલમાં જોમ અને જુસ્સા સાથે આપને બધાએ આ કામગીરી બજાવવી રહી. આપણાં માતાપિતાની સાથે થયું હતું એવી રીતે આપણા જીવનનો નાશ કરવાની તેઓ ધમકી આપી નહીં શકે. અત્રે આપણી પાસે તમામ હથીયારો છે. સંગઠિત થઈને મજબૂત હાથ રમવાથી આપણે ડરવું નહીં જોઈએ. This article was published in English on June 30, 2017. The English version can be found here.
At Sahiyo’s third Thaal Pe Charcha, Bohra men attended too
In October 2017, Sahiyo hosted Thaal Pe Charcha (loosely translated as ‘discussions over food’) for the third time, with 22 participants from the Bohra community. Thaal Pe Charcha is a flagship Sahiyo programme that brings Bohra women together in an informal, private space so that they can bond over traditional Bohra cuisine while discussing Female Genital Cutting and other issues that affect their lives. While Sahiyo’s first two TPC events were open only to women participants, the October event included 15 women as well as three men from the Bohra community in Mumbai. Most of the women who participated in the event had already attended the previous two TPC events held in February and July. With this third event, their comfort level in discussing FGC had grown. These women also brought their friends, cousins, and other relatives to join in on the discussion. Some women expressed that they had cautiously begun speaking about FGC with their families, friends, and spouses, which they had never done earlier. The women also spoke with their spouses about not performing FGC on their daughters. The new women participants were able to clear some of their doubts about FGC and asked questions about why it is performed and why we need to stop practicing it on the next generation. Conversations about FGC have always been taboo and secretive in the community, so being in a safe and intimate space at the TPC helped the women discuss it openly. By listening to the stories and concerns of the women, the men who attended the Thaal Pe Charcha were able to get a deeper understanding of how the practice affects women. They were very open to discussing FGC and even suggested several ways to raise further awareness about the harms caused by the practice and how to promote the abandonment of FGC. One of the highlights of the event was having one of the women participants, Saleha, share her story of undergoing FGC. After listening to Saleha’s story, a few women and men were in tears. Some women said they experienced flashbacks to their own experience of undergoing FGC. Saleha sharing her story helped make other women feel comfortable talking about their own FGC experiences. Many women’s stories were similar in terms of how the cutting occurred, how they felt anger, fear, shame, depression, and a sense of being cheated by those they trusted. Over lunch, men and women continued their discussion on FGC, as well as other various issues occurring within the Bohra community. Participants also discussed ways in which they could all work at the grassroots level to raise awareness about ending FGC.
‘Can I Check Your Khatna?’
by Anonymous Age: 32 Country: Bahrain One of my male cousins married a lady who is not Bohra and not Muslim. He had a court marriage with her in the country where he resides, while his mom (my aunt), lived in Bahrain. For the sake of his mom’s happiness, he decided to get a nikah done by the bhai saab of the Bahrain Dawoodi Bohra masjid. When my aunt went to this bhai saab to inquire about what needs to be done and how to go about it, the bhai saab told her that the girl should have ‘sunnat’ done to her. Meaning, khatna. How creepy! Being a man and asking that a young girl’s genitals be cut. My aunt was really irritated by this but she said nothing. She decided that she’d just go back to the bhai saab a few days later and tell him that it was done, without actually doing it of course, and sparing her daughter-in-law the trauma and humiliation. When my aunt went back to the bhai saab to say it was done, guess what he said this time? He said that the ben saab (his wife) would need to check that it was done to the bride. Yes! He actually said that his wife would have to check a grown woman’s genitals to make sure she had undergone the process of female genital cutting. Needless to say, my aunt was enraged by now and my cousin dropped the idea of getting the nikah done by the Bohra masjid in Bahrain. According to my cousin, this happened in either 2011 or 2012. Female genital cutting or khatna, as it is known in the Dawoodi Bohra community, is already rampant and is done to girls as young as 6 years old, without their consent. This in itself is horrifying. It is sexual abuse and child abuse. But to ask a grown adult woman who isn’t from your community or religion that she needs to undergo a process that’s traumatizing, humiliating, and completely unnecessary, JUST so she can be a part of the community, and as if the khatna is the only thing that makes us Bohra – this borders on cult behaviour! As if getting khatna done is the way for the bride to prove that she will do anything to be a part of the community ‘legally by nikah’ (even though they are already legally married). But what’s more disgusting is that the bhai saab had the gall to ask that his wife check whether the girl’s khatna was done or not. Sometimes I wonder if these priests even know what they’re asking, and how would they like it if the situation were reversed? Would they be willing to show their private parts to a higher priest to check if they were circumcised properly when they were children? Or show their private parts for any other reason, to someone who is not even a medical professional, just a high ranking person within the community? No, right? Then how can they ask that for a woman? And then the bigger question: What does this have to do with the girl’s nikah or being a part of the community? Nothing. It has nothing to do with it. They could have asked my cousin sister-in-law to recite something, or done any other simple ritual like the misaaq (which just involves answering a few questions and confirming that you’ll be a part of the community, follow its rules, etc) that doesn’t involve having any part of her body cut, let alone a part of her clitoris! How dare you think you have any right over a woman’s body and what has to be done to it? The thought that angers me the most is that this story has only just reached my ears now. Other Bohras probably don’t even know about the creepy thing this bhai saab demanded, or about the fact that my aunt didn’t get enraged and yell at him for asking such a thing for her daughter-in-law. It also angers me that so many other Bohras would have probably still continued to follow his words even if they came to know of this story. A priest from your community should NOT be telling you that the women in your community need to have their genitals cut. And if they are, why would you still listen to another word they’re saying or follow any other advice they’re giving you? I’m sure you have a capable enough brain and conscience to know what’s right and wrong, and to act upon it. It’s high time you stop letting bhai saabs get away with things like this.
Khatna: A mother’s pain and a son’s search for retribution
By: Anonymous Age: 31Country: United States My mother is a woman of faith. The innate cultism of the Bohra community has never dissuaded her from being a part of it, attending every function on the bright, colorful Hijri calendar. For decades, that bright calendar has served as a façade to hide inexcusable darkness. I’ve been distant from this community for some time. I’ve often voiced some of the blatant ironies of our sect, particularly with the Hijri calendar. Lailutal Qadr, the holiest night in Ramadan, is now a minor blip on it, largely overshadowed by the birthday of his holiness, Mufaddal Saifuddin, which falls on the same day. She does not take my criticisms lightly and always tells me to have an open mind. She pleads with me to forget the cultism for a minute and focus on the community, the spirituality, and the power of prayer. She’s always been pious to a fault, ignoring the many uncomfortable truths of a community that has so many. It made it shocking a couple months ago when she expressed her anger and hostility towards Khatna. Sahiyo has cast a large spotlight on this tribal and destructive practice. Growing up in a household of all boys and in a community that’s kept Khatna so hidden, I only learned of the practice through Sahiyo and the articles by so many women who have had the courage to discuss its indignities and the havoc it has caused in their lives. But it hit home when my mom told me about her own experiences. This deeply religious woman, who has been an advocate for the Bohra community her entire life and encouraged her children to look past certain practices, was not willing to overlook this one. She told my brother and me that if she had a daughter she would never have them undergo this procedure. She told us in excruciating detail about her own experience at the tender age of seven, when she was taken to a dark basement at a neighbor’s home in India. The pain, anger, and sexual frustrations she has suffered since then were self-evident from the tears building up in her eyes. I couldn’t hold back the tears in my own. The anger I felt when reading the stories of other women, rose to a fever pitch when I realized how much it hurt the woman that brought me into this world. A woman I have loved my entire life. She forgave this community and encouraged me to be a part of it. Because, for her generation, the community is everything and the thought of becoming an outcast – that fear of being shunned from family and friends – makes you swallow your pain, frustration, and anger and accept the status quo. No more. The only beauty in the ugly underbelly surrounding Khatna, is the powerful options we have to confront it and other injustices of the Bohra community. For the first time in thirty years the powers that be are scared to the core. And it’s not just the fear of legal repercussions they will inevitably face in facilitating and encouraging genital mutilation. Their real fear lies in losing the plethora of financial benefits they have always valued – the envelopes filled with bundles of cash, the millions of dollars in Ziyafats, the houses, the cars, and financial control over thousands of small Bohri businesses. The more these injustices are pointed out, the more Bohris – specifically millennials – will go elsewhere for spiritual enlightenment. And with that financial loss, they can never sustain the lavish lifestyle they’ve grown so accustomed to. But actions always speak louder than words. The first step, and it is imperative, is to find a special woman in your life affected by this practice. Sit down with that woman, talk to her, and understand what she’s been through. It will fill you with the same rage it filled me. And that’s what we need – a whole lot of rage. We need people in our generation to be angry and to boycott this community unless it returns to serve the spiritual needs of the people it’s tasked with serving. That’s what a religious community can and should be. I will never forget the pain I saw in my mother’s eyes the night she told me about her experience with Khatna. I will carry it with me moving forward and fight to make sure this practice ends. If we all do our part, it will stop, along with the other immoral practices of a community that has so many. All millennials should exercise the same vengeance. They can’t threaten to destroy our lives like they did to our parents. We hold all the cards here. We shouldn’t be afraid to play our collective strong hand. This article was published in Gujarati on November 28, 2017. You can find the Gujarati version here.